Ach Cailìn

Today (or I should say yesterday, seeing as it's 3:00 in the morning) was one of the worst days of my life.
Tyler pulled out his back packing, seeing as we're moving at the end of the month, and I had to bring him to the hospital. The second we parked in the hospital parking lot, I started bleeding. Like gushing. I didn't even know if I would be able to get out of the car. I knew right then that I was miscarrying. During the couple of days that I had learned about the prognosis, I got used to the idea that a baby was no where in my immediate future so this occurance didn't startle me too much, I was expecting it. The funny thing, however, is that I was scheduled for a DNC the follwoing day.
I went into the hospital and we both registered. They gave me some jumbo pads and these other pads that very closely resemble puppy pads. I was so scared. I remember sitting in the waiting room, afraid to move because everytime I did I lost another gallon of blood. I wanted Tyler to call my mom but I had no reception and when I got some, I couldn't get a hold of her. I tried my hardest, but a cried as I waited. I was afraid something would go wrong and I would get sick. I was afraid of losing so much blood that I would, as crazy as this sounds, die.
Finally, I got a room. I laid on the bed and for the next few hours had to continuously change my pad about every five minutes. There were pools of blood around my bed and in the bathroom. I never knew a human could lose so much blood. I started feeling faint at one point and thought I was going to pass out. I knew it was because I was losing so much blood but my Dr. said it was due to some sort of nerve. But I know my body and I knew I was losing too much blood.
Finally, after nearly passing out a second time, the Dr. came in and ordered an IV. By this time, it's been about five hours since I started bleeding and there was no end in sight. They scheduled me for a DNC.
However, once I was given the IV the bleeding seemed to slow down. Finally, I was given permission to go home but I had to come back the next day to make sure everything was ok.
I wasn't sad. Frankly, I was glad it was over. The waiting and hoping and wishing. This ended it. I am officially no longer pregnant and a baby is not in my immediate future. Which is ok, because I can finish school and get a nice job and then I can get pregnant and go on maternity leave. That way, I don't have to rely on anyone for money.

Well, this ultrasound was definitely not what I was expecting. There's nothing there. It looks just like it did two weeks ago. There's no pole, no heartbeat, nothing. At this point, I should be 8 weeks, and I'm showing like I'm five. The technician said it's not a good prognosis and I may miscarry.
That was definitely not the information I'd been hoping to hear. I'm a little devestated but I know that these things happen and I have hope that it will change.

The wedding is definitely under way. It's been hard, I've sort of been slacking on the whole thing, trying not to get too stressed or anxious. I think I may end up rushing at the last minute but right now I'm enjoying the preparations. The wedding is scheduled for November 7th at 4:30pm. Invitations have been sent.