Ach Cailìn

I've been having some issues. Now that the wedding is over and done with, I still have school to focus on. The wedding cost us a pretty penny and so we don't have a lot right now. In fact, it's been a couple weeks since we moved and still don't have any food in our cupboards. But that's okay. We'll survive. School is almost done, thank God, because I'm really starting to feel the heat. What with the pregnancy, moving, wedding and school, I'd be surprised if I made it through in one peice...We'll see

So, it's official. Tyler and I are finally married! It was a very small ceremony, 45 people in total. We had all our close friends and loved ones and that was all we needed. The ceremony was romantic and intimate and just perfect. Dinner was yummy and then dacing was fun too.
I can't believe I finally did it. We finally did it. I always knew I would get married one day, but as the actual day appraoched it felt so...unreal. At one point, I felt almost like we were playing house. That the entire things was a play, put on for some reason...
But, it was real and now I'm married. To the man of my dreams, to the man I will spend the rest of my life with.

It can only get better from here...

We moved!! Yay!! I absolutely love my new house. I'm a little sad that we won't have a nursery like I imagined, but we'll make do with a game's room until we do.
I can't believe it's mine. I actually have a house of my own. Me and Tyler, living in a house with our two dogs. I can't even get over it. I have stairs!! haha. I just love it!

Today (or I should say yesterday, seeing as it's 3:00 in the morning) was one of the worst days of my life.
Tyler pulled out his back packing, seeing as we're moving at the end of the month, and I had to bring him to the hospital. The second we parked in the hospital parking lot, I started bleeding. Like gushing. I didn't even know if I would be able to get out of the car. I knew right then that I was miscarrying. During the couple of days that I had learned about the prognosis, I got used to the idea that a baby was no where in my immediate future so this occurance didn't startle me too much, I was expecting it. The funny thing, however, is that I was scheduled for a DNC the follwoing day.
I went into the hospital and we both registered. They gave me some jumbo pads and these other pads that very closely resemble puppy pads. I was so scared. I remember sitting in the waiting room, afraid to move because everytime I did I lost another gallon of blood. I wanted Tyler to call my mom but I had no reception and when I got some, I couldn't get a hold of her. I tried my hardest, but a cried as I waited. I was afraid something would go wrong and I would get sick. I was afraid of losing so much blood that I would, as crazy as this sounds, die.
Finally, I got a room. I laid on the bed and for the next few hours had to continuously change my pad about every five minutes. There were pools of blood around my bed and in the bathroom. I never knew a human could lose so much blood. I started feeling faint at one point and thought I was going to pass out. I knew it was because I was losing so much blood but my Dr. said it was due to some sort of nerve. But I know my body and I knew I was losing too much blood.
Finally, after nearly passing out a second time, the Dr. came in and ordered an IV. By this time, it's been about five hours since I started bleeding and there was no end in sight. They scheduled me for a DNC.
However, once I was given the IV the bleeding seemed to slow down. Finally, I was given permission to go home but I had to come back the next day to make sure everything was ok.
I wasn't sad. Frankly, I was glad it was over. The waiting and hoping and wishing. This ended it. I am officially no longer pregnant and a baby is not in my immediate future. Which is ok, because I can finish school and get a nice job and then I can get pregnant and go on maternity leave. That way, I don't have to rely on anyone for money.

Well, this ultrasound was definitely not what I was expecting. There's nothing there. It looks just like it did two weeks ago. There's no pole, no heartbeat, nothing. At this point, I should be 8 weeks, and I'm showing like I'm five. The technician said it's not a good prognosis and I may miscarry.
That was definitely not the information I'd been hoping to hear. I'm a little devestated but I know that these things happen and I have hope that it will change.

The wedding is definitely under way. It's been hard, I've sort of been slacking on the whole thing, trying not to get too stressed or anxious. I think I may end up rushing at the last minute but right now I'm enjoying the preparations. The wedding is scheduled for November 7th at 4:30pm. Invitations have been sent.

I went to my first ultrasound today. I went with Ashley because I really didn't think Tyler was coming. I wasn't expecting him to since there wouldn't be much to see anyhow. But he signed his full-time papers with the government and decided he would like to join us. I went with Ashley in my car and he went with his mom in his car. I was afraid to be late and she had to pick him up all the way downtown.
Apparently, in Ottawa, there are two east highways and MapQuest didn't really tell me which one it was. So I went East towards Rockland when I should have gone East towards Montreal, seeing as I was going to Embrun (I went there because I was able to get in fast). Tyler did the same thing, so unfortunately, he didn't make it to the ultrasound. Which is all fine and dandy because there was nothing there yet. Just a small sack. The technician said it was likely too early, and that's why nothing was developped yet.
I'm a little worried that it won't develop, but we'll see what happens. Apparently, this is common.